


You Know A Thing Or Two About Me

by Botanophillic_Zombie



Category: Original Work
Genre: // - Freeform, Believe it or not this was inspired by a hadestown fic, Chapter update! María has trauma, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, anyway, definitely not projecting here, fckin love hadestown, koppány is like a dog separated from his owner for a day, one entire day, poor baby, poor boy is whining and scratching at the door, someday i’ll write some of my au for that for y’all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:14:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27613336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Botanophillic_Zombie/pseuds/Botanophillic_Zombie
Summary: The wedding night. It’s the hardest time for both parties, separated until the ceremony starts. Will they calm the raging storms of their minds themselves, or break tradition for catharsis?
Relationships: Koppány Farkas & Xochiquetzal Rivera, María Guadalupe Montes-Rivera & Grigory Uvorvykishki, María Guadalupe Montes-Rivera/Koppány Farkas
Kudos: 2





	1. She knows i’ll shut my mouth, if she’ll give me her hand.

**Author's Note:**

> (Work and chapter title inspired by She Knows by John Fullbright.)

Koppány was supposed to be asleep. That was the first problem.

It was 1:00 AM, in the morning, on the _day of his wedding,_ and he was supposed. To _be. Asleep._ Of all the nights of his life to look like a crusty dehydrated shrimp _why this one?_

Any performance- any presentation, any interview… Koppány swore he would rather make a speech to represent a _whole country_ with this amount of sleep instead of going through with his _wedding_ on it _._ A speech personality he could fake- he could clean himself up in the mirror and put on his nicest clothes. He could read off a paper and look up at all the right times.

But his _Wedding-_ God, Jesus christ, he panicked just thinking about it.

His socked foot and metal cane carried him across the little hotel bathroom, to and fro, to and fro, to and fro. Pacing. The light above had a buzz to them that sent an odd chill down his spine- and stoked his nerves like a fire. 

Tomorrow he was to marry María, the most beautiful person he could have ever hoped to love… And he was not allowed to see her until the time of their wedding. 

María… María, María… His love, his light, his _life, María._ He had met her when he was weary- when he was dragging his aching, empty, _ragged_ body across the wastes. She was there like a pool to the burning, like a bonfire to the freezing. He had only needed a _drop_ of her love- just a _moment_ of her time in order to feel free, but she had given him over a million times that, and then _more._

She had found him with more beer than blood, found him as the limping wolf eating roadkill _._ She knew him hollow, gutted to the point of leaving his organs in the dust instead of putting them back in again. 

Things had not started off as nicely as they were now- it had taken cold hard work to get here. In a way, it was a miracle that they had ever gotten along. 

When he met María, she was wild. She was running on fear and anger, and it burned up everything inside of her. She was tired, and she was drained, and the unfairness of that made her blood run hot and gave her just enough kindling to get up again. 

It took forever for them to function in a way that wasn’t all-consuming and _devouring_ \- A way that wasn’t Koppány clinging to the fearless way she walked and María to the reckless way he loved. They had been eachothers respite, coming home after a long day of punching in and bracing for the whip and shoving all emotion- everything _human_ far far down. María was Koppány’s angel, she was kind and gentle to him, listened when he talked, stroked his hair while his night terrors raged. Koppány was María’s… Reminder, maybe. Reminder that the fight was not so black and white. 

They had indeed been ravaging at first- leaping at each other desperately and tearing out what they needed with hungry teeth. They had loved each other like fire loved a forest. 

It was a long time until they felt safe, but the storm passed as it always would. For Koppány, he felt that he could stand on his own again. He could stand on his own and have the strength to keep his heart and arms open to her. 

María did not open up as easily to him, but she would look at him some days with wide, honest eyes, and one day, when he glanced up… she didn’t look away.

Oh, how he loved her. Oh how he _missed her._

Koppány wanted to see her now- to know how she felt. He wanted to hold her hands in his and experience the love that would steady them both. He wanted to touch her face with his fingers and _feel_ her against him- calm and content and not scared of him at all. 

He was a wretched man who deserved every fearful glance thrown at him, but María had never seen him that way. She had looked directly into the wolf’s maw and saw past the teeth into its heart. 

He needed to _have that_ again now- he needed to know that she was a truth. Needed to know that she would not suddenly fall away like every other good thing at the climax of his joy. He needed to see her, he _needed_ to _hold_ her- if she wasn’t real then what was anything _worth_ to him anymore- 

…

There… There was a knock on the bathroom door. 

Koppány realized his free hand had found it’s way into his hair. He looked in the mirror.

His hair was mussed from being pulled at, his eyes were wide and teary from dryness, his cheeks were pale and ashen-

_Knock-Knock-Knock._

“Koppány?”

Inya’a. María’s sister- small and strong, with a voice like sun and a presence like a rock in a storm.

He leaned against the counter, trying to relax his muscles, “A-ah….. Yes?”

His voice had never wavered like that before.

“I’m coming in.”

“...Alright.”

She turned the long handle gently, and Koppány watched it move like the hand on a clock. Ticking like a timer, counting down the minutes until-

The door opened, and Inya’a was there. 

It was all he could do to not bolt out of the room, and she saw it.

“Hey, woah, what’s wrong?”

Koppány returned his hand to his hair, “I- I don’t- Nothing, _really, nothing_ but- I can’t-“

She stepped forward into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, “Okay, okay, you’re having an anxiety attack- okay here, sit down with me, we can just sit here and breathe for a moment- we don’t have to have everything figured out right now, okay? Okay.”

Inya’a held out one of her hands to him, and for the first time since he met her, Koppány was hesitant to take it. Carefully, he covered her palm with his, and gripped his cane tightly to lower himself to the floor. 

“Just breathe, Koppány. Everything is fine, okay? I can promise you that.”

He took a deep, shuddering breath as he sat, and tried to let himself relax. Tried to let his leg realize that it did not need to run.

“…She’s… Why _me?_ She could have picked _anyone_ in the world so why _me?_ ”

Inya’a looked a bit surprised, “ _Thats_ what this is about? Not ‘what if I trip and fall’ or ‘what if I sneeze really gross?’”

Koppány gave her a flat and wounded look. _Of all the times to make fun of him-_

“I really don’t think María will regret this.” She continued. “Like- Koppány you’ve come this far, why would she want to turn away now? You know how much she loves you.”

The image of a wolf, scared and paranoid, snapping off its own tail so nothing will trip it. Driven mad with fear, acting out on the smallest chance to avoid making a mistake-

“ _Look at me!”_ Koppány gestured at himself wildly, _“Why wouldn’t she go!_ How am I supposed to believe that this isn’t just another trick in my life!?”

The first thing that he registered in Inya’as expression was fear. Then hesitance. _He had bitten himself in the leg._

“Hey, let’s just try to calm down, alright-“

In a snap he was pulling himself up onto his foot and clawing at the handle of the door- turning it and rushing out into the cool air of the main room and looking all over to see-

...To see Mrs. Rivera. 

María’s mother.

She was standing with her hand on the table, propping herself up. Her brown and silver hair was out of it’s usual bun and gathered behind her back. In her nightgown and loose hair… She looked as Koppány had never seen her before. 

Mrs. Rivera glanced over her half-moon glasses at him, and he felt a sudden urge to sit down.

“Uh- Mrs. Rivera, I didn’t mean- I’m sorry I woke you-“

She tilted her chin up, “ _Siéntate_ , boy.”

He stepped forward and did as he was told.

Mrs. Rivera sat down next to him, her chair turned to face his way. She moved in the way an empress would move, regal and deliberate. Her bones would creak slightly or her knee would pop, but when she straightened her back and looked you in the eye, it was like she had every nerve in your body at her beck and call.

Koppány considered himself infinitely lucky that she was kind. 

“Mr. Farkas,” She said, “You’re up awfully late this evening. Why aren’t you in bed?”

He felt like a boy again, sneaking downstairs to grab a snack.

“I… I can’t sleep.” He said truthfully.

A simple sentence- a child’s excuse.

“And why is that?” She continued, asking like she didn’t already know the answer.

Koppány avoided her eyes, “… I can’t- _How_ do I trust that this is real? That there isn’t going to be any catch or something. What if a _horrible_ thing happens the second i'm happy just like- …Just like every other time.”

Mrs. Rivera watched him with calm eyes, processing everything he’d said. He was dimly aware of Inya’a shuffling her feet at the door.

Her mother looked up to her, and she left.

“...Koppány.” Her voice felt like a fire to frostbite, “I… Understand that you have had a hard life. One that you did not deserve. But that life does not have to be the only one you have.” She leaned over to catch Koppány’s eyes, and he let them meet, biting his lip.

“I know that you find this… Too good to be true, but in reality it is just another part of life. This is a joy that everyone deserves, not a curveball thrown at you by the gods. My daughter is real and she loves you, do not become a self-fulfilling prophecy because of what you experienced before her. Do not let it ruin you.” 

_Do not let it ruin you._

Koppány looked down at his hands. He wanted to cry like a child- to scream and demand in hopes of evoking change in the world, but he had learned long ago that the world was deaf to him. 

He balled his fists, then put a hand over his eyes as a sob clawed its way out of his chest. 

Mrs. Rivera hummed sadly, and he felt her hand cover his. He hesitantly let it fall open, and she placed her palm to his. 

“I don’t _want_ to be this…” He choked through his tears, “I _want_ to be happy I _want_ to let things be good-“

“Then _let them,_ boy.” Mrs. Rivera- his mother-in-law, the woman who used to see her own bad fate in him and his closeness to her daughter as a representation of her own mistakes, held his hand and squeezed it.

“It is hard to trust, it is hard to sit back and watch things happen, but you are so much more different now than then. _Everything_ is. Let happiness come to you. I _promise_ it will.”

Her words echoed in Koppány’s mind and plucked the chords of his heart just right. 

He broke down completely then, letting his forehead drop to the table. He tried to nod- tried to vocalize an “Okay” or a “Thank you,” but his throat offered cries and cries only. 

Mrs. Rivera seemed to understand anyway. That was just the sort of older woman she was, one who just knows things all on her own. 

Koppány felt her hand smooth across his back, and he leaned even more in her direction.

“Just cry, boy. Cry and fall asleep, and tomorrow you will be happy.”

...He did. And as it turned out, he was.


	2. Where could he go, that I wouldn’t follow?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was funny, in a way, that she ended up like this.
> 
> (Tw for this chapter; María struggling with her trauma relating to men.)

It was funny, in a way, that she ended up like this.

María had never thought of herself as one to follow at another's heels. All her life she had been forging her own path- swinging and chopping and burning until the ground was clear to walk upon.

She was a warrior woman, a brave and strong lioness  _ and _ proud of the fact, though… Before she met Koppány, she was more of a wildcat.  _ Just  _ a wildcat. Hissing and spitting. Nameless.

As much as she hated to admit it, she had been nothing but a feral kitten back then. Scared and angry and stumbling around on her grownup legs. Her world was loud and  _ screaming- _ there was never any break from it all. She woke up and the reality of her life snarled in her face. She went outside and the state of her city howled. She went to work and every single little thing would  _ scream _ and  _ squeal _ and  _ screech _ and all she could do was  _ drown, and drown, and drown in it _ .

That was why she fought. That was why she’d been all wide eyes and bared teeth- if she fought back against the noise- if she yelled loud enough on her own, she could begin to tread the water. She still fought to this day, but not in the way she did then. Back  _ then _ she was so inexplicably filled with hate and aching for change,  _ now _ she had realized her progress and let herself  _ rest.  _

When María was young and fearful and angry and  _ feral _ she did  _ not _ .  _ Know _ .  _ Rest _ . 

  
  


...And then Koppány had come, and laid his hand over her eyes.

Before María met Koppány she would kick and scream to stay alive and in the process, drive away everything soft and still. There would be no reprieve from the ceaseless pain and despair that _bit_ at her like _swarms_ _of_ _ants_ but then one day Koppány was there... and it was like the world went still. 

Koppány was there and her oceans were calm, Koppány was there and the air was cool and the skies were  _ quiet.  _ Koppány held her in his arms and suddenly there was nothing else. Only warmth, and softness, and  _ quiet _ . 

In the beginning, María would try to keep herself dominant. It was like a battle against herself as her heart slammed terrified in her chest. She would lay behind Koppány and stroke his hair, listen to the stories he told of his own life  _ before _ . 

“They… They are not happy stories.” He would begin, whenever she asked. ”I am a man of many horrors.”

“I’m not looking for a bedtime tale.” She’d respond, and he would look at her and smile, and the honesty in his features stole the breath from her. 

María’s life had been on fire and she spent so long burning alive in it, but Koppány threw- no,  _ offered _ water to her. He showed her what he could do for her and she willingly took his hand. Willingly followed him to a crack in the wall, let him show her a world aside from the acid rain. He looked at her like she was the one who had told the sun to create rainbows after his storms, and her heart jumped with the  _ comfort  _ of it all. All of his softness- all of his calmness and understanding and gentle ways- she stared at him like a poor man stared at hidden gold. She stole all she could. 

There was so much that Koppány gave to her then- she could not have possibly have held it all and it showed in her body. Her chest was full and heavy, her eyes wide now with  _ surprise and suspense-  _ and she never once felt her feet touch the ground. 

Koppány looked at her like he was ready to get on his knees at any moment, and her mind pumped the knowledge of it through her veins as if it were squeezing drugs through a needle. She was hollow and so  _ so _ desperate to be filled. 

...But is only so long you can be filled up to bursting without breaking, and  _ god _ María pushed the clock. When the time finally caught up to her, it must have been because of something small he did. He must’ve touched his hand to hers one night- maybe he helped tie a necklace around her neck and left a kiss on her nape. It could have been that he just  _ looked  _ at her with his lovely green eyes and she could not keep the pin from hitting her heart any longer.

It occurred to her then that Koppány had never seen her so vulnerable. Had never seen her quite return the looks he had given her. There was a first time for everything, and her ribcage had broken open like a floodgate, and there were no secrets she could hold back anymore. 

María sighed, looking around the room. She should have gone to sleep long ago, and she knew it. There was a nice bed and warm blankets waiting for her just down the hall, there was a day of games and love ahead of her.

There was the day of her wedding, and she was terrified.

María knew she hadn’t made something as stupid as a  _ mistake  _ in marrying Koppány, she loved the man-  _ her husband soon, oh wow-  _ But still she could not breathe.

What if she had chained herself to a sinking stone? The world was calm and quiet when Koppány was around but the fire was  _ familiar-  _

What if it was too soon? What if she had been so desperate to hold on to something that she had pinned him down and called the shot as if taking down the elk. What if she used him- he deserved only the best things and she was not the worst but maybe far from adequate and… 

He would not regret it. She had to keep telling herself that-  _ he would not regret it.  _

And neither would she. Koppány was not just another man with big eyes and bigger hands, and she knew how to love him like  _ him  _ instead of  _ them.  _

He was different. Koppány was different. He always knew how to pull her down from her fears, always held her in the oasis of his arms when the fire of her mind raged. 

Traditions were important but  _ god  _ she needed that again now- needed the reprieve, needed the catharsis. She felt it again then- the burning, itching,  _ screaming _ feeling. Koppány had been there to hold her hand as they walked the ocean but now she was on her own and her fear made her slip. With each step the water churned, fierce and angry and  _ hungry  _ as it devoured her up to her neck and  _ god what was keeping her from him- _

“María?”

She looked across the room to the hallway like she was seeing through blurry water. 

Grigory stood there, large but never imposing. Koppány’s only friend from home, sweet and soft yet strong as an ox. They had fought side-by-side, and even now they embraced as brothers.

Her vision was swimming- her ears were full of bloodrush, and Grigory only seemed to… Tilt his head at her. 

“María? Are you-  _ Good lord  _ what are you doing up so late!”

Her chest felt full of salt water and lighter fluid, “I- Mm- Can’tSleep.”

A nod, maybe, “Oooh, well… I think I might have something for that. Come and sit down.”

María walked to the table- but it felt as if she’d done anything but. Sitting down, the chair under her felt solid. 

Grigory set down a cup of water in front of her.

“So, you can’t sleep huh?”

It was like her throat did not want to be, “I- yeah. Yeah.”

He held out his good hand, “Here uh- I think you could probably… Just breathe with me, okay? I’ll count”.

María let her fingers grace his palm, and something about it called a focus in her. Grigory was real, Grigory was talking to her.

“Okay, deep breath, ready?”

Her lungs swelled slowly, and the blood slowed. Her heart was still pumping fear into her but she could stand it now- she knew this territory. It was simply… It was just her mind. What had she been worried about in the first place? 

Grigory gently placed his other hand- heavily scarred and missing some fingers, on top of hers. She looked up to him, eyes searching.

He smiled, “do you feel a little calmer now?”

She nodded, “I uh- yeah… Yeah I think so. Did I wake you up?”

Grigory shook his head, “Not quite. What’s wrong? We can talk about it.”

The fire and the flood. The screaming and the fighting and the  _ pushing- _

“I-... I barely know I think. I just- I remember how it was before I met him, you know… and- I can't go back to that, but this? I don’t know where we’re going and I trust Koppány I swear I do but what if it’s  _ worse?” _

Grigory made a noise of sympathy, “...Why would it be worse?”

“Because that’s… I don’t know. I’ve never…” She shook her head, “ _ Look  _ at him, Grigory. I’ve never seen anyone like him… It’s like he’s too good to be true- but he’s here and real and i’m not sure if he’s a trick or if i’m delusional or something-? He can’t be a trick- he w- I trust him. I trust him and I d… I don’t want to ruin him.”

A firm squeeze, “Aw, María…”

“Grigory- Grigory what if I ruin him?”

She felt her gaze wild and fragile, and her friend seemed surprised.

“María you can’t  _ ruin  _ him-“

“What if he just came to me because he needed someone? What if he’s going to wake up one day he wakes up and realizes i’m just some whore he found on the side of the road and- and he leaves me, huh? He- he doesn’t have a reason to treat me this nicely-“

“ _ María _ .” 

She looked up to Grigory again, watching the sad storm in his blue eyes.

“What is this really about?”

Like a knife straight to the middle.

“...Men like him… Men like him don’t love women like me. What if he’s….. What if he’s going to change on me. Become like everyone else i've ever loved. I’m… I’m scared to love him, Grigory. I'm scared…  _ of _ him. Of what he could be.” 

María let her head sink into her hands. She let her fingers work up into her hair and her glasses slip a bit down her nose. Her shoulders shook with tremors and she gulped her breath in as a heaving sob.

_ I trust him. I trust him. He is not just a man, he is Koppány. I know that’s how I feel- so why can’t I believe myself- please please, me, listen-  _

There was a soft sound- a chair moving maybe, and then there was a gentle tug on her sleeve. It was like a shy child had pulled on it, but when María turned her head, all she saw was Grigory kneeling with his arms spread open. 

It was like a dam had broken free. María came forward off of her chair to collapse into Grigory’s embrace.

“Shh, hey, hey, it’s alright for you to cry here, okay? Get all of your emotions out, you’ll think clearer. You’ll feel better.” He hesitantly brought his hand to her back, barely pressing her clothes against the scar tissue hard enough for her to feel it, then moved to rubbing her shoulder.

María sobbed and nodded, holding onto him like a lifeline. 

_ See? There are good men. Grigory is a good man.  _

“Th- thank you Grigory… I- I trust him but there’s- memories…” 

He nodded, “I know. W-well I don’t know if i’ll ever be able to emphasize fully but I  _ understand _ you, María. It’s okay to have trauma. Your brain is just trying to protect you from the wolf, but it is only a sheep wearing a fur coat. He is barely even scary on the outside- most certainly not to  _ you _ .”

María tried to see through the sticky oozing dark in her mind. Frantically fumbling for a flashlight, trying to change out the batteries with panicked, shaking hands. 

Grigory ran his hand down her arm and shoulder slowly, and kept speaking softly to her. 

“You’re alright- You’ve been through horrible things and the pain you feel is valid, and you’re just trying to be safe. It doesn’t have to mean anything, it’s not your fault, okay? There’s no need to be afraid of Koppány, but it’s okay that you are sometimes. It makes sense. You still love him nonetheless.”

If her panic was making her fumble the light, Grigory was stilling her hands, gently placing new batteries into her clammy palm. 

María took a deep breath, and the light clicked on.

She thought of the time she had been walking home, feeling the burning gaze of a stalker on her back. She’d called Koppány at the time- told him loud and clear that she was going to be home soon, let his deep voice ring on speaker phone. She stayed on the phone with him the rest of the walk, and soon put the follower out of her mind.

Until she had gotten home, and thought of what would have happened if not for him- thought about what  _ had _ happened before him. 

Koppány had held her tight, kissed the crown of her head. Laid with her on the couch with a movie going until she had cried all the tears she had left to give.

He was a safe place for her- he was  _ safe.  _ Safe.

The time he had hurt his hand and she fixed it, the time he almost burnt his eyebrow entirely off and she showed him how to use makeup to replace it. His own fears- his own nightmarish demons that snapped at his heels and darkened the flesh under his eyes. 

Koppány was  _ safe  _ for María- he  _ was  _ a wolf but his teeth never shone when he looked at her. 

...And in return, she had allowed him around. She had opened her arms to him and harbored him and they were with each other from whatever terrible storm came their way.

And now she  _ ached  _ to feel him.

A few more hiccuping sobs shook her chest.

“I… I need him, Grigory… I have to see him.”

The hand on her shoulder paused for a moment, “...Now? Right now?”

She nodded, “ _ Yes.” _

“...Are you  _ sure  _ you can’t wait? I- I understand, but-“

She thought of being separated from him until the next night, having to hold all of these feelings to herself all through the day and pretend they did not exist. 

She needed to at least  _ tell  _ him.

“Yes Grigory.  _ Please, please  _ I need to see him…  _ Please…” _

Her friend sighed, and there was a common understanding between them. If María was serious, she was only begging to be polite. Nothing would keep her from Koppány’s side.

“...Alright, alright hon just.. Just give me a moment so I can call Inya’a, okay? We’ll get you to him.”

She nodded, trying to quell her tears, “ _ Thank you.” _

Grigory nodded, hugging her tightly one last time, before helping her to her feet and walking her to the couch. He disappeared down the hallway, then came back with his phone on his shoulder and a blanket in his arms.

“..... …. .. …. Hello? Grigory?”

“Hello Inya’a, sorry to call so late but it’s a bit of an emergency.”

María sniffled and took the blanket from him as he held it out. She wrapped it around her shoulders miserably.

_ God. It’s probably late as fuck and here I am… _

Grigory made his way to the kitchen, walking gently as he always did. She heard the jingle of keys being removed from a bowl.

“Him too, huh? Hah… Somehow that doesn’t surprise me. Alright, go down to the parking lot, I'll drive my truck down there. See you soon, bye bye.”

_ Well. At least this’ll be a fun story to tell. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. Ways to cry for help: Writing this shit.  
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Normally, Koppány handles separation just fine. He’s a confident man, believe it or not, it’s only the fact that it’s his wedding night that bothers him. Such an important event involving a milestone in his relationship... he just wants to know how his partner and best friend is doing. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Chapter two from María’s pov will be up soon ✨


End file.
